


Poisoned Memories

by The_Hybrid



Series: Letters From River Song [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Hybrid/pseuds/The_Hybrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying to forget the Doctor, River buries her memories. But will she remember the Doctor she loved, or another one entirely?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poisoned Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer  
> I do not own any characters in Doctor Who, nor Doctor Who itself. All rights go to the BBC

It had been a long time since River thought of him. She'd hidden him in the darkest recesses of her mind, hoping, praying, she'd never be reminded of him. Never have to face all those memories again. She buries him with memories of her parents, though they never last for very long. She enjoys remembering those too much, so after a little while, she begins to bury him with memories of her training, of the Silence, of Madame Kovarian.

 

But that was before he needed her help. Before Vastra pulled her out of her own little universe, and forced her to help the man she had tried so very hard to forget. So, once again, she put on her brave face. Hiding her sorrow and anger with cheap tricks. It wasn't his fault, she kept telling herself. He didn't know it would hurt me, to leave me here like this. But no matter how much she said this to herself, she couldn't believe it.

 

All of her memories were tainted. They had been buried by memories worse than anyone, except him, could understand, could imagine. Memories that were so potent, they polluted the good times, strengthened the bad times. All she could concentrate on was that he had abandoned her. Uploaded her to a database. A library. To CAL.

 

So, when she was needed, she helped him the best she could. Helped her through the one she knew had replaced her. She knew all about this Clara, all about the Impossible Girl. She had seen her, seen her throughout her travels with the Doctor. Watching her from the sidelines, protecting the Doctor. Just as River did. Staying strong, knowing that both of them needed her to be the rock. They both needed to believe that it would all be okay, and the Doctor would only know that if Clara was happy, was calm.

So she gave tips, pointed out anomalies. Watched silently as her heart shattered as she saw him again. All those polluted memories rising to the surface, all those times he fussed with his bowtie, complained about her shooting all of his hats, made her laugh. All now tinted with anger that was meant for her captures, never for him.

 

But then Clara was gone. Spliced through the Doctor's time stream. But somehow she was still there. Still watching. Always at the sidelines. Looking back, she assumes that Vastra knew. There was no real reason for River to be there. The Doctor always worked everything out. But, she didn't know that then, and seeing the Doctor's grief at losing Clara made her angry all over again.

She shouted. She screamed. She moved to slap him. And he caught her. Told her she was always there. That he always loved her. Always would. He may not have said it in so many words, but River knew. She always knew. She always could read him, always could work out the things he was trying to say, but couldn't for fear of being weak. For fear of breaking.

 

Then he kissed her. And she kissed back. Slowly, yet all at once, her anger was gone. Like a stream, her memories were clean. No anger,no grief, no sorrow. Just happiness.

 

The happiness remained for her, long after she had faded, after she was thrown back into her little universe. So she began writing. Just little notes at first, then longer letters as she worked out that CAL made them all real. She began leaving clues in books she knew he loved, so that eventually, when he was ready, he would be able to find all of her letters. All of her notes.

 

 

 

So here you are, Sweetie. It's been so very long for me, but I know it's been longer for you. I hope that one day we'll be able to see each other again, but until then, know that you are forever in my soul.

Love, today and always, Melody Malone.  
P.S. If I find any of them, I'm destroying all of your Fezzes as Stetsons. Oh, and as always. Spoilers xx

**Author's Note:**

> I might make this into a series, not really sure. Depends how it goes. Constructive criticism is appreciated. This was my first fic. Please be kind  
> :-)


End file.
